Making Good Choices

In my house my husband and I try to teach our boys to make their own decisions but to also make good choices. We both understand that kids will be kids and make mistakes, but we also believe that at any age a child should be held accountable for his actions. We set rules and limits in the house and we expect the children to follow these rules in and out our presence. Our two older boys are 9 and 6 years old and we try to impress on them that their behavior is their responsibility and they must take care of it. Every Saturday we do a family devotional and a few weeks ago we did a devotional about making good choices and I thought it was very impactful. Basically the story was teaching the children to conduct themselves in a way that would honor God. The story suggested that if you would be embarrassed to have Jesus next to you during your activities, then you probably should rethink what you are choosing to do. The devotional emphasized that God gives all of us free will; but it’s what we choose to do with it that is important. Most of the time I feel that I am constantly reminding my children of this, and time and time again they seem to instantly forget. This principle of making good choices carries me into my next point and that is, since our children spend so much time out of the home and at school; shouldn’t the school also reinforce these core principles? Today I toured the school associated with my Southern Baptist Church here in the Charlotte area and was pleased to know that each and every day the students are reminded of Godly principles and values. It is a requirement that each student take Bible Class in order to meet all graduation requirements. Now I don’t believe that all kids have to go to Christian Schools. I’m just making an observation on how I think it is a good idea if the place your child spends the most time at also reinforces the same basic principles as you do. Making good choices concerning your children are hard too.

Summer Calendar Coming Soon......

Last year I didn’t send my boys to camp instead I came up with my own camp activities. I put all the events on Google Calendar and shared it with family and friends. This year I will do it again. I have had several people request a copy already and I just wanted to let all of you know that I am currently working on my 2011 calendar. It should be done by the middle of April and I will post a link on Facebook for all my friends or you can request the link through my blog. This post is just a reminder that you should sign up for dscount passes in preparation for the summer events. Go to http://www.wsoctv.com/familyfocus/index.html and sign up for the Family Focus Fun Card. This card provides discounts on admission for several of my planned activities such as The Levine Museum of the New South and Discovery Place. I also recommend a membership to Discovery Place since it only cost around $100 for your entire family (two adults and all your kids) and it includes membership to the Charlotte Nature Museum as well for 12 months. Me and my boys really enjoyed waking up and knowing what we were already going to do that day. Each week consists of bowling (not sure if bowling will happen this year our local lanes are launching a new program), free movie at the theater, museum visit, water activity (swim or spray ground) and an outdoor adventure activity (free fishing or hiking). I have researched all the cool FREE activities in Charlotte and put them on my calendar and whoever can show up, shows up and who can’t, well we'll catch you next time. All my activities are scheduled in the morning before nap time and lunch to avoid cranky kids in public and only last a few hours long. I have found if we do too much every day by the end of the week I don’t have any energy left and neither to the children.

Can’t wait to see you this summer!!!

The Human Family Tree

After taking my boys to view the Race Exhibit at Discover Place last Friday we watched a Discovery Channel documentary through Netflix called, The Human Family Tree. This documentary explores how all humans are 99.9% the same and how we all originated from South East Africa. Wild! I love learning how an African American man has more genetic markers in common with his European ancestors than with his African ancestors or how a Thai couple don’t have many genetic markers in common at all. This project studied the DNA of hundreds of random people at a festival in Queens NY. The strangest thing was the most unlikely people had the most in common. We are all human and this fact alone should unite our species and keep us all bonded together. Society has used the many variations found in humans to build barriers and cause turmoil and war. As a world today we stand divided and I hope that more research and projects like this can open eyes and minds to create a more tolerant people.

Four Letter Words

This morning while pumping gas, a man approached me and asked if he could tell me about an idea he had for summer camp. He proposed an idea of teaching children about four letter words (no not the four letter words you are thinking of) positive four letter words. The man’s name was Thornton Howard III and he wrote a book called, Going Fourward – Using FOUR Letter Words in a Positive Way. He explains that he wants to teach children a more positive way of thinking and learning through four letter words. His book is divided into four sections.

· SELF – ESTEEM

· GOAL – ACHIEVEMENT

· PEER – POWER

· HELP – OTHERS

He spoke so passionately about his vision and is so motivated and dedicated to teaching, I just knew I had to share his story with you. How amazing is this idea of teaching our youth that they are ABLE to succeed, that they should give their BEST, show that they CARE and that they can get the job DONE. He has a super powerful message. His message is simple and easy for all children to understand.

I also learned not only is he a published author but Mecklenburg County, NC wrote a proclamation supporting that during the first four weeks of every school year teachers, community leaders, parents….focus on one word each week to inspire and encourage our children. I feel so blessed to have had an opportunity to meet this man and wish him all the best in his journey to educate our youth with positive four letter words.

Runaway

Last night I did something I thought I would never have to do. I called 911 to report a runaway child. I was on my way home from shopping and noticed a young boy, around 7 years old, walking along the curb in the dark all by himself. Now I don’t know about you but I found it to be a little odd considering it was night and he was all alone. To say the least I didn’t feel comfortable, so I call 911 to report it and then circled around to catch up with him. When I was circling I couldn’t believe how many cars were just passing him by and it didn’t seem like anyone was even interested. Well I caught up with the little boy, rolled down my window and asked him if he needed help. He told me “No, I’m fine” but he looked to be really upset. I asked him again and he told me that he had run away from home. I was crushed. A little boy all alone in the dark feeling lost and unwanted, he could have been one of my boys. I picked the phone up to call 911 again and while I was dialing a speeding ambulance came up with flashing lights and scared the kid, who then ran off into the woods. It was only a minute later when a cop pulled up and went into the woods after the boy. I went home not knowing if the police ever found him and was left very uneasy. So being who I am, I called the non-emergency police number to check on the little boy. Turns out he was found and returned home. Thank God, he was safe or was he? It got me thinking what he was running away from. How was his home life? Was he being abused? I will never know, but I can rest in knowing that I did something. I wasn’t like all the other people driving down the road last night. I didn’t just pass him up and ignore an obvious problem. Would you have stopped to help a little kid on the side of the road? Wouldn’t you want someone the help your child if he or she needed it? I believe that we live in a society that teaches us to do for ourselves and not to reach out and help others in need. We like our lives to be easy and that is accomplished as long as we keep blinders on and look straight ahead. I guess you can say that I don’t want my life to be easy.

Actively Dying

It has come to my attention that in the medical field the term “Actively Dying” is used to describe a person who is within hours of passing away. The phrase strikes me as odd since I’m sure most people aren’t “actively” pursuing death. Well this topic got me thinking about how a perfectly healthy person could also be actively dying. Through our lives we seek out certain things but some might be seeking out things that only lead to death. For example, if a person spends his or her life never being satisfied and always looking for the next best thing, or if a person works all the time and never spends quality time with the kids/spouse, or if a person is overwhelmed with greed or lust……my list could go on forever. The point is, could you be “actively dying” by not having a relationship with Christ? Think about it, He is the Truth and the Light and through Him you will be forgiven of all your sins and granted eternal life. By inviting Jesus into your heart you can choose to "Actively Live Forever". Salvation, what does that word mean to you? Are you going through your life “actively dying” or are you actively building a relationship with Christ?

Caregiver Overload

This morning a friend asked me how to overcome her Caregiver Overload and I totally dodged her question and gave her no real suggestion. After getting in the car to head home the guilt set in and I felt awful for not having an answer to her situation. After thinking about it for a bit I realized I had no answer because I suffer from the same Caregiver Overload. In my friends case she is a mother, wife and a nurse, so every aspect of her live is taking care of other people. For most women this is the case, having the constant responsibility of taking care of your family and not ever seeing a reasonable break in sight. I pride myself on giving my family and friends my best but when your best runs out what do you do? I started to think about how I keep going when it gets hard and then it hit me. Recently I have been feeling really overloaded with life but I just think about an upcoming vacation my husband and I are going on and I realize that I will have a break soon. Being able to look ahead to something that is joyful and doesn’t include taking care of another person should provide some relief. This stage of life does have an end and then a new beginning comes, a new beginning that brings opportunity and possibly a little rest. Hang in there and trust that God only gives you what you can handle.

What Happend To Community?

Why is it so hard for the grocery store to have everything in stock when you need it? All I wanted to buy this morning was a bunch of bananas and 2% organic milk. Well they didn’t have the milk, their recent shipment included whole and skim but not 2%, why? I can’t wrap my brain around it. How do you not have milk on the shelf right after a delivery for restocking? Hmmmmm…. This brings me to a point I talk about quite often with friends and family. I think if our world was simpler, things would be easier, no logistics to worry about. If we actually lived in “Communities” the type where you know your neighbors and all the kids go to the same school, I could go next door to my neighbor who is also a stay at home mom or dad and borrow some milk. Better yet I could go and get some milk form the neighbor and while I was there he or she would invite me in for lunch. You know the neighborly thing to do. Society has become money driven with two income households being necessary which means “No Community.” I would love to get back to a simpler way of life and raise my kids around a community of people who valued relationships and family. Please don’t take this the wrong way, I’m not knocking my working friends out there, I’m just saying it would be nice if life was slower pace with long lasting and quality relationships and if it could all be built around a small farm that would be perfect.

Here's Your Organic Chance

Groupon this week is featuring a $18 coupon for one medium size basket of Organic Vegetables (in the Charlotte Area). This is your chance to try a vegetable home delivery program. I bought a coupon since I am in the early stages of my garden this season and could use some really nice produce. The company Backyard Produce allows you to pick the types of vegetables and the amounts you want and they deliver it to your front door. How cool is that. With traditional farm shares members usually have to go to a central pick up location at a certain time and you also don't get to pick the types vegetables. Backyard Produce makes shopping super simple and convenient on there easy to understand online order form. I love the idea of buying locally grow foods and reducing my carbon footprint. Just try it out! I think this new way of buying your vegetables is worth the $18. Please leave me comments to let me know what you think.

http://www.byproduce.com/

Girl Scout Sabotage

I have written a few posts about how I want to get in shape and feel healthier. Well I’m not sure if all of you are aware but it is Girls Scout Cookie season. Troops have tables all around town, every turn I make I see tables full of yummy treats that remind me of my childhood. I think they prey on people just like me. I have no will power against the idea of eating a crispy Thin Mint or a creamy Tagalong. Why is this happening? I’m totally distracted from eating better snacks when I have a pantry that houses my secret stash of Girl Scout Cookies. It wouldn’t be so bad if I would only eat one or two but instead I have to eat a whole roll of cookies in one sitting. So today instead of eating a well-balanced lunch, I consumed way too many Thin Mints; then took a nap since the treats put me in a sugar coma. Why!!!!!!....... I really need to get some help for my overindulgence problem.

I Wanna Be Made....

So yesterday I invested in a jogging stroller. I have pumped myself up to start running again and get into the best shape a mom possibly can. I have set a goal to drop a few pounds and tone up my muscles and take my 19 month old on the journey with me. He really has no choice since I’m the only form of child care we have. I will have baby in tow and plenty of snacks and juice in a sippy cup to entertain the booger, might not need much at first since I probably won’t be running too far. I figure if I start to run again I might experience a positive shift in my energy and mood, “Erica” just might reappear and not just “Mommy.” I can’t wait for the transformation. If there are any moms in my area who would like to join me, just drop me a line. I would love to run on the greenway near the house but too chicken to do it alone. Yes I’m afraid of the boogey man who might be lurking in the bushes or just the neighborhood squirrels.

I have put it out there for the world to see. I am going to transform myself back into a runner. Yep, I am.

I almost feel like I’m doing an episode of MADE: I want to be a runner, except I’m not a care free over privileged teenager who wants to be a reality star.

RACE

I am very excited that at our local children’s museum (Discovery Place) has a new exhibit called “RACE.” I think this is awesome and wanted to share the website with the exhibits information. http://www.discoveryplace.org/museum/exhibit/21/RACE-Are-We-So-Different

I will be taking the children later this month and can’t wait to see what type of reaction they have about some of the subject matter. This exhibit will cover the science of race but also cover racism in our society over time. It’s nice to know that people aren’t afraid to talk and teach on race. It is a very significant part of our world history and keeps us reminded of how divided a nation can become over four little letters. I feel this will be a good educational lesson for the boys.

I plan to go on the next CMS teacher workday, so if anyone wants to join me drop me a message.

A Bit Much

So my 9 year old son had to complete a Black History Project on W.C. Handy. For those who don't know who he is (and I didn't know either), he is the Father of Blues. Anyway this post is not about the life of a great man but of the requirements for my son's project. First he had to write an essay that highlighted Handy's life and accomplishments. That part seemed reasonable and the students had to have an outline and draft of their essays. I thought this was perfect practice for good writing skills. But here comes the unreasonable part which I also call my homework. The kids were required to do a visual presentation that had to be in the form of a power point, video or other creative style. What? A power point, really!!!! Well needless to say public school doesn't teach Power Point in the the fourth grade. So my work began. The third thing he had to complete was a costume to wear to school that would make him recognizable as W.C. Handy for the Live Wax Museum activity. It sounded like fun until I realized that the only picture I had to base the costume off of was a regular old picture of a balding old black man who could have been any body's grandpa. This is what I came up with. My whole point is, I feel that these projects are way more work for the parents than for the kids. If I left it up to my son he would have written two sentences and taped a picture on a piece of poster board and for a costume he would have worn his winter hat and rain boots, just to be funny. When will the schools learn that these types of projects really don't teach our students? They should come up with group projects the kids have to complete in the classroom with teacher supervision and then have a grade level presentation to showcase the kids hard work.

Next up is a "Career Project" for my 6 year old. Just a side note, it made me really happy when he said he wanted to teach people about Jesus when he grows up. How cool is that!!!!

Happy Birthday

Today my middle son turns six. Wow!....... I don't usually throw parties for every year earned but I make sure to host a very special day. He gets to choose the type of cake and ice cream, he also gets to choose what I cook for dinner. Menu: hamburgers, fries and salad, his three favorite things. We will celebrate and have fun, but it will be low key and very managable to plan. I love it when we can come together as a family and celebrate something so special. My babies are growing up so fast.

Happy Birthday Big Boy!!!

Local Food

Since spring is fast approaching I am getting my garden ready for planting. But with the warmer weather comes the opening of Farmer’s Markets. I encourage all my readers to seek out your local markets and take the whole family. It’s really a neat experience to see what the local growers are harvesting and they are usually really helpful with new recipe ideas for those unique vegetables we might not use frequently. Don’t forget that these markets also host beef, pork and chicken farmers. I just love the idea of getting my meat products from a farmer who doesn’t use hormones and who treats there animals with the utmost respect. I go to Creekside Farms in Concord, NC to buy my grass fed chicken, beef and pork. I have been able to develop a personal relationship with Farmer Chad and his family. He has never met a stranger and will invite anyone who’s interested to the farm for a tour of the barns and animals. This past fall the family and I were able to visit and see the baby turkey chicks that were being raised for Thanksgiving. I know what you’re thinking, how cruel, but it’s just the natural order of things. My boys really liked learning about the pregnant sows and seeing the freshly laid eggs in the coop.

Anyway, take a look at the links on the right side of my page and think about supporting your local farmers.

"I'm Sorry"

“I’m sorry,” goes a long way. It’s hard to remember sometimes when things aren’t going the way you thought, to think about someone else and their feelings. A situation might seem small to you but mean the world to them. Be kind with your words but also be kind and gentle with your tone. I have to continue to work on my tone with the children. I forget that they have feelings too and that their spirits can be crushed with just a word or ever a sharp look. I need to find a balance in my discipline and not be so rigid in my thinking.

Remember to take a deep breath and ask yourself if your feelings would be hurt if someone spoke to you like that. And if you find yourself regretting what you said, say “Sorry.” Parents you are allowed to say sorry to your kids if you mess up, they will grow forgiving hearts if you do.

And The Award Goes To......

Today I had the pleasure of attending my oldest son’s award ceremony for the third and fourth grade classes at his school. After being there just a short time I realized not all the students would be receiving an award for their efforts in the classroom. I panicked a little at the thought of my son not having his named called and walking up on stage. It turns out invitations were sent out to all the parents of the children who were receiving an award. Well I didn’t get one but not because he wasn’t getting acknowledge, but because my dear son didn’t give me the invitation. Well anyway this prompted me to think about the other children sitting there not getting their names called. I felt really uneasy. Surly they put forth effort to earn their grades and improve over the first two quarters. I’m not certain that the rule of not giving every student something is really the right way to motivate improvement in our students. One of the facilitators said that these awards wouldn’t be special if everyone got one. I don’t agree. I feel every child should be rewarded through acknowledgement and if it takes the form of an award ceremony so be it. Each teacher I’m sure can come up with at least one positive attribute of every child in his or her class and recognize it with a certificate.

My boys currently go to the public school in our neighborhood and due to severe budget cuts for next year a lot of things will have to be done away with. Since there is so much that is being taken away from our students, would it hurt to print a certificate with every child’s name on it to encourage growth and development? That one certificate could be all the difference in a student’s confidence and propel them to bigger and greater accomplishments. The administration has no idea what is going on in the homes of some of these children, maybe there are some students who don’t get nurtured or encouraged at home and look to school for those praises. It is a true shame that our academic institutions have become so cut throat even in the third and fourth grade.

Overload

Some might look at me and think I’m a control freak, well I am. I spent so many years early in my marriage overwhelmed by all the responsibility I had in any given week. Now it’s totally different. I have a schedule and I stick to it. I am on a schedule, my kids are on a schedule and so is my husband. I keep track of appointments, functions, free time, errands….all on a calendar in my phone. Figure out what works for you and schedule out your week before it happens. I can’t go day by day and not know what’s next, I have to have structure and have a plan of attack. Don’t make it a habit of overloading yourself with chores, kids, etc. If you have young babies like I do, make sure you have a proper nap schedule and make sure you follow it. There is nothing worse than a cranky baby in a grocery store. I always follow the rule of: go out to run errands first thing in the morning while the baby still has a full belly from breakfast and while he isn’t sleepy. All the housework can wait until I get back and after I put him down for his nap. You also might consider cooking dinner during nap time. If your afternoons are anything like mine you have to cook before the older kids get home from school. Think about it, dinner is ready so you can help with homework, eat, then off to practice and when you get home all the kids have to do is shower and go to bed. They go to bed on time and you don’t have to stay up and still do work. If you are one of my working friends plan your meals and cook everything on the weekend. I would do this when I was selling Real Estate, cook all my meals on Saturday morning and store them in divided containers, label them and put them in the freezer. Every morning I would pull out what I needed and by the time I got home the food was thawed and we had home cooked meals in just minutes. It really isn’t hard to stick to a plan and reduce the chaos in your daily routine.

Maybe you’re overloaded with other things you take on for other people. Think about it. Is it really worth running yourself crazy just to please other people? I used to think I had to participate in all my boy’s school activities and be the PTA President, Room Mom, Coach, Fundraiser, Hostess to all parties……and the list never had an end. If you asked me to do something I would always say yes. Well I learned to say no and it feels great. I am now able to dedicate quality time to the things I love. I was spread too thin with so many things I couldn’t give anything my best. Now I only take on the things that really mean a lot and things that will make a difference. I actually learned that I didn’t have to go on every field trip with my 9 year old son mainly because he doesn’t think I’m cool anymore. Well that’s one thing checked off my list. I also learned that I don’t have to attend every function I’m invited to. It’s good to just be able to relax and not run out to go here or go there just to show my face at a gathering. So I thought about the things I really wanted to do, like writing this blog, and I started to do it.

See the difference when you start giving your best effort to things you really want and love to do.

My Garden

Spring if fast approaching and I have a few things growing already in my garden. I thought I would share photos of my favorite hobby.

Asparagus

My New Green House my Husband Built

Lettuce

Collard Greens

Time with Nana and Papa

I’ve come to realize that if you have more than one child it is probably a good idea to find a way for each child to have their own separate time with the Grand Parents. Last weekend I sent my 5 year old over to Nana and Papa’s house for a few hours in the afternoon all by himself. He loved it and so did they. Having only one child visiting was easier for them and it allowed my son to have all the attention on him. He went to the grocery store with my mom and helped my dad in the yard; he didn’t have to compete with his brothers and was able to do what he wanted to do. I have talked in past posts about letting your kids develop their own identities and this is another way they can start to do just that. I know with my middle son he is usually inclined to do exactly what my older son does, when he is all alone he is able to be an individual and make choices on his own.

So I encourage you to split the kids up and send only one to the Grand Parents this weekend. Not only do they develop in their own personalities, it gives Grandma and Grandpa the opportunity to really connect with one child at a time.